By David Court
Those of you who persist in performing that evil activity of social networking on Facebook (solely reserved for people organising riots, dontchaknow) may have seen the following status update being bandied about today. (On the subject of which, isn't it unfortunate that the word 'bandied' itself isn't bandied around every often? Just saying).
Anyway, the status update;
I've just heard some really shocking news. The Royal British Legion are not selling poppies in certain areas on Nov 11 this year. This is because some minorities say that it will upset them. I say sod off … The poppy is a symbol of reverence for our fallen heroes of all the wars the BRITISH military have fought in. BRITAIN STAND UP AND SAY 'WE WANT THE POPPY SOLD EVERY WERE IN THE UK'. THIS IS OUR RIGHT TO REVERE OUR FALLEN.. PASS IT ON.
Now it obviously goes without saying that any Facebook status that starts with the phrase "I've just heard some really shocking news" is instantly followed by a statement that is 100% bullshit. The same also goes for the phrase "Local Councils aren't allowing.. etc, etc."
There is a very slight element of truth in the status, but the reason given is utter tripe. Remember when you weren't allowed to wear England Tops during the World Cup? Oh no, you won't remember that because it never fucking happened.
Reality check – IT IS NOTHING TO DO WITH MINORITIES SAYING THAT IT WILL UPSET THEM. Charities have to apply to the local councils for permission to collect, and the Royal British Legion simply didn't do it in time. A decision that has – get this, fact fans, subsequently been reversed.
However, the following status wouldn't mean that we could blame the minorities for everything again.
I've just heard some really shocking news. The Royal British Legion are not selling poppies in certain areas on Nov 11 this year. This is because somebody in charge of making the applications was either too lazy or forgot about a deadline. The poppy is a symbol of reverence for our fallen heroes of all the wars the BRITISH military have fought in. You know, that war to ensure that minorities weren't being oppressed by groups who sought to subjugate them. Much as what happens when ignorant Facebook statuses blame minorities for all the worlds ills. BRITAIN STAND UP AND SAY "WE WANT THE POPPY SOLD EVERY WERE (sic) IN THE UK. Oh, it will be. Sorry. As you were.
Research, kids. It's the key to stop you looking like a racist. But keep spouting that shit, because it gives me something to get angry and blog about.
RBL Twitter Update clarifying the situation
Oh, and that "Winterval" you all got upset about? Never happened.
"Better to be silent and be thought a fool, than speak out and remove all doubt."